If there is a sacrosanct dictum that is religiously drummed at food-and-wine-pairings it’s that, unlike relationships, in cuisine and grog, opposites seldom turn out to be a match made in heaven. In fact the opposite applies, namely; species of a plumage – or in wine speak, cultivar – tend to hit it off like a sultry tango together.
“Like goes with like,” a former restaurateur would drill into our heads at his regular wine-tasting bacchanalias which amongst us, the staff, were subversively known as the “on-the-house hammering sessions.”
In these conceited times of upward mobility where sophistication commands some premium, even a base, loose familiarity with one’s plonk can considerably up one’s social interactions. It’s not everyday that the opportunity presents itself to throw words like “sauvignon” or “pinot noir,” well-rounded with that French-y dourness that – one must admit – does carry the veneer of a refined cosmopolite, around.
However, for such a wine-loving community (the tried and tested Hanepoot being an undisputed favourite), it comes as a surprise that some of Colesberg’s oenophiles don’t seem too at ease around the language of the immortal nectars. Estate, vintage, cabernet merlot, tannins, cultivar; these may sound like Greek to one’s ears but like everything else, are nothing a crash course can’t soon improve. And, as with all disciplines, wine abides by its own set of rules, answers in its own language, subscribes to its own mores, nuances and connects in its own way. The more you learn, the more likely you want to learn and the more difficult the material becomes, the more of an expert you’re likely to become.
As usual, eParkeni figured we’d do the surface-level digging on your behalf. Over a series of articles we’ll take you by the hand and waltz you down a hypothetical wine school replete with all the basics and start-up terminology you’ll ever need not to give off tell-tale bumpkin vibes should you ever find yourself in one of those high-end black tie soirees in some upmarket part of some glitzy city. In the process, we’ll also be scouring for the nicest places to eat out, from Shisanyamas to restaurants. Sommelier material you ask? Not quite. Will it turn you into a culinary savant overnight? Now you’re definitely pushing it! Still, have we not all heard that saying about Rome’s building?
Dotted, as they are, by some exquisite restaurants with great food in the pantry, wine in the cellars, and the Karoo sun beating down on the veranda, Colesberg streets are as good a place to get started on our quest as any.
Randomly, we picked the first two joints you might want to acquaint yourself with.
Bordeaux Restaurant
From the outside, Bordeaux is indistinguishable from the many other houses that have outlived the colonial architectural style that animate the main Church Street. A homely entrance ornate with wooden floors and antiques, the walls adorned with old picture frames, it looks a lot like a countryside padstaal. Sit inside and admire the throwback to countryside homeliness or settle for a table under the pergola so as to keep a watchful eye on the kids squirming on the seesaw and swings. Fully licensed, the barlady offers varying poisons but the Karoo Ale craft beer is all the rage for those looking for something a little closer to the environs.
Starters
Speaking of which, the livers in netvet (skilpadjies in the common tongue) are a staple that has been around since the days when these parts were vulgar frontier towns ran amok by bandits and bootleggers. Mention skaapstertjies to tourists and they are ready to keel over, anticipating a dirty joke. “Sheep’s tails,” you explain, deadpan, “and what a treat,” they usually still think you’re pulling their leg. That is until the chef has lathered the homemade basting, given them a brisk charr and there they are succulent, sticky and sizzling on a plate. That’s exactly the moment to ask, all smug, who the joke might be on now?
Mains
As with all the courses, mains here are an eclectic salsa of everything from tripe to tjoppies (lamb chops if you’re still dawdling in the vernac). Although not a big winelist, there is still enough variety and quality to find what goes well with, let’s take the 300g rump steak served with chips and veggies. Like the Durbanville Hills Cabernet Sauvignon, a medium to full-bodied wine with plums on the nose and kindness on the wallet. The steak itself is of prime quality, succulent and tender and for the perfect pairing, we recommend it medium-rare. The staff are a bevvy of wide smiles and knowledge, and would love to reserve your table on: 082 959 4349. Address: No 7 Church Street, Colesberg.
1989 Coffee Shop
When you’re inching towards the entrance and Dinkies; affable, chirpy and with a speaking voice reminiscent of Janis Joplin, you immediately feel like a long-lost stranger finally come home. Or like a valued regular to the 1989 Coffee Shop. For an assortment of conveniences, this is the sort of place you want to swing by when there are a gazillion other things to be done. A nip over to the OK only a brisk few steps away for some grocery shopping whilst you await your order. Or to collect a parcel at the couriers just across the road. But do make it snappy because the chefs are pretty quick and agile with their chops here. Technically, it’s a coffee shop mostly in name. Everything else is pretty varied; you can unwind with a glass of wine or beer in the cool shade of the patio up front; start your day with the popular biltong (yes, biltong) breakfast; bite into a fresh and much-enjoyed lamb pie, breakfast croissant, toasted tramezzini or any one of the out-of-the-box creations popping out the kitchen. Or retire to a more secluded open-air area out back for an undisturbed business lunch.
Ringed outside by a host of cacti species and succulents that are rarely found in many other places, it is an added bonus for horticulturalists and homemakers to know that they are also able to buy the cultivated variants of the plants. A cool breeze sweeps through inside, with considerable windows and some pretty formidable titles line the bookshelf. eParkeni, on our visit, was keen on grabbing a copy of David Grisham’s The Partner but we were there to celebrate a colleague’s birthday. Alert and never out of sight, one of the diligent waitstaff must have picked up on this minor intel. In no time, there he was, our birthday boy, candle alit on a fresh cupcake, being serenaded by a quartet of classy ladies who sang like there was something special about our otherwise uninteresting co-worker.
Because it was four of us, we figured we could ascertain a well-rounded determination on what 1989 is all about. One went for the chicken pie downed with a glass of Spier Sauvignon Blanc. We were, after all, playing it by the book: “white goes with white.” Another opted for the ham and three cheese tramezzini with a glass of Spier rose. Though none of us harbours a sweet tooth, we’d made the mistake of taking a table right next to the confectionery display. Stupid move – because this is where some of the best treats in the house are set in all their appetising glory. Lemon meringue and velvet cake and an assortment of delightful treats that looked tantalising enough to to twist the arms of four old men into having dessert which on its own is excellent but with one of the establishment’s fine coffees, is simply to die for.
Stuffed and tipsy we were on our way when the guy who wanted to read Grisham was promptly informed that he may take the book at a small fee and return it when he was done. We thought he’d be ecstatic but it turns out he was still blushing because of the friendly ladies who’d sang for him earlier. Do call them; 051 011 4278 at 1 Sluiter Street, Colesberg,9795.