It seems only yesterday I was scouring the internet hoping for something – anything – remotely political to tide the readership over whilst the honchos were away on holiday. It would hopefully serve as a token of gratitude for their invaluable support of our modest cause. But I just couldn’t find squat. At one point it got so frustrating that I found myself in such utter desperation as to consider rummaging through the trash of a popular accommodation establishment down here hoping I’d stumble on the sort of luck that a Daily Maverick associate editor once found following her commendable effort to wade through a heap of rubbish following an EFF entourage that had booked into a posh villa in Camps Bay, Cape Town in 2019.
Sadly, my search turned up no condoms or spent bottles of Veuve Clicquot and also I lacked Marianne Thamm’s craftmanship to weave a big story literally out of the muck. Besides, these are the boondocks. You’d be hard-pressed to find two politicians that anybody in the country knows in town on the same evening. Then again it’s the new year and hope and surprises spring eternal. And if a certain hound in the media space has his bearings coordinated, Saffers appear to care more about who’s doing who which way in the political sphere than they do about – you wouldn’t have guessed – even the Springboks.
Mxm, said I, no freakin’ way that the world champs would come second best to anyone. But the hound dug in his heels: for freelancers, he continued, the pastry is in everything else, but the filling is always in politics. People will gladly toss the scantily-clad Zodwa Wabantu to a side note when she’s seeking media attention against the besuited men who make the laws and call family meetings. With exception of that Minister who once simply whipped it out on video, in front of the whole country and lived another day to hold court at Home affairs and lecture us on things like naturalisation, not even sex sells enough to thwart the general political appetite.
It was only a matter of time – I hoped -before somebody would cock it up, effectively jolting us from the reverie of the holidays back to the madness of the circus. Fortunately, we didn’t have to wait long before the ringmasters came out. First fumbler to indicate commencement of the show was none other than the alumnus of Northwood Boys’ High School, with the prefect-like attitude to match and the supposed liberal tendencies you’d expect to find in posh English suburbia. Our brother John Steenhuisen was once an outspoken critic of those things that are perceived as ANC accessories; corruption, patronage and blue-light convoys. Adamantly, he insisted that these guys were unnecessarily blowing loot that was supposed to feed the poor and that was downright unrevolutionary.
Turns out, as the twitterati would point out, that any ill feeling he may have harboured towards the latter was only because he’d never taken one on a test drive as DA leader. But now he’s not just opposition party leader, but a member of Cabinet. His party had politicised the use of this particular perk to caricaturise an ANC ruling elite that relished excess, so aloof and out of touch with the people that they demanded preferential treatment even on public roads. As minister of agriculture, our man has simply turned a blind eye to the luxurious 2018 Audi Q7, the 2019 Toyota Prado and 2020 BMW X5 parked outside his office, blue lights and all. In his defence, Steenhuisen has basically said he wasn’t really to blame and proceeded to point the finger at some of his predecessors. Also, the party leadership were quick to point out that it didn’t matter whether a vehicle was fitted with blue lights, the real issue was whether those lights were ever actually used. Though not quite the stuff of an Angelo Agrizzi testimony, it still got tongues wagging and gave us something to write about.
Then came what, I guess, one might call a party. What I’d presumed would be a mournful gathering – more introspection than gyrating and perhaps earnest prayers to Christ to delay coming back especially since it seems he might be well on his way since May 2024. There was singing, champagne and a massive cake cut by a row of very important people, celebrating a very special occasion: the ANC’s 113-year old existence. The way the comrades were going on you’d swear that these were the glory days – two-thirds majority, a ballooning black middle class and a steadily growing economy.
Just when I thought it couldn’t get more bizarre, uBaba metaphorically gatecrashes the shindig when in a letter dated 8 January, (B-day) the former president Jacob Zuma demands ‘the immediate reversal of his expulsion from the party.’ By the stroke of his (or lawyers’ pen), the attention shifts away from what was for all intents and purposes a party which had niks to celebrate anyway. Not unless you consider serious loss of support as an occasion that calls for a toast. The party faithful were quick to the rescue, with some basically reducing the man at whose pleasure they once served to a ‘mischievous’ party pooper. When the term ‘towing the party’ line has seemed a ubiquitous refrain in Mzansi politicking, apparently Zuma’s current outfit the MKP cut against the grain to allow for dual membership in certain circumstances.
Seems like the People’s Bae has finally come to terms with the writing on the wall. The EFF MP, Dr Mbuyiseni Ndlozi has, after exercising much endurance, finally decided to step down. It was a long time coming given the clearly strained relations between himself and his superior, Julius Malema. Though the leader may obstinately believe that Ndlozi’s departure is nothing but a matter of ‘good riddance,’ it may well signify the end of a chapter – if not the party itself -for the EFF. The ‘starrings,’ as township parlance refers to the lead characters, have virtually all abandoned Malema. In some ways, this leaves a huge vacuum particularly among the youth voters. The EFF were a popular entity amongst a youth that felt that ‘the broad church’ was too soft on issues like ‘black economic freedom’ and an MKP that seemed nothing more than Zuma’s fiefdom in Nkandla.
Take solace, however, in that as far as the regular itinerary of local politicking goes these are so mundane they will have been forgotten by the time you sit down for breakfast tomorrow. They are bigmen flexes and displays of ego and are little more than insignificant squabbles that ultimately have no bearing on the day-to-day experiences of the average South African. However, the fact that the year has barely begun but the show has gotten off to a quick start can only suggest that the drama and scandals are imminent. Add to that a GNU that is still trying to come to terms with itself and 2025 will prove another interesting year in the land of Mzansi. Regrettably, many of the nation’s papers are either closing up shop or are requesting that you take out a subscription. If you’re one of those who, like this writer, cannot afford such indulgences, take heart that here at, eParkeni, we’ll always have your back. So if you’re on the lookout for an easy, enjoyable read, do keep on coming back. If for nothing else, at least to boost our analytics.